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Patty drained all four boys at least once that I saw.Tonight was the night that Peter and I would have a campfire for the boys with hotdogs cooked on a stick and the traditional marshmallow roast. Even though I knew the rest of this week was going to be one continuous orgy I felt that I needed to have some semblance of normalcy in the week. Around 8:00 pm I had the boys start a campfire. I brought out the hot dogs, rolls, and mustard. Patty brought the marshmallows. We had a couple of camp chairs and logs to sit on. We cooked and ate our hot dogs and marshmallows and the boys told us funny stories of things that happened at school and told some really lame jokes. Patty and I told them of some of our non-sexual adventures in High School and in my opinion much better jokes.It was around 10:30 pm and Billy had his head in my lap fast asleep. Everything had gotten quiet and I could hear the crickets and an occasional fish jumping for their meal in the lake. I had my eyes half closed. Play. Sleep. Repeat…how would that feel? Unfortunately, he knows exactly how that feels but that reminds him of her and he cannot go there right now. He feels beat down by life. Not much in the mood to think about when the days were filled with laughing, flirting, and fun. He has been to enough therapy to know that when he is bummed out that is exactly when he thinks of her the most. She is the symbol of what he wanted – passion, excitement, energy, a challenge, a connection of mind and body. He nods his head when they say, ‘it wasn’t her she wanted, she just represented all of it.’ Given enough time and access it would have happened with any woman. This. Woman. Means. Nothing. He promises to come back to reality, get his head screwed on straight again, suck it up. He does ok for a while but then the numbness starts to wear him down and he lets himself drift. This week is particularly crappy – it’s his birthday. At this time last year he could be with her everyday. If not in person,.
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